Crazy emotions

Today for some reason I feel Lonely! I have been around the people at church, my family and a few friends at the park, so there is no reason I should feel lonely. I miss my parents and siblings in Utah I wish we were going over to my parents for family dinner right now. I have been looking forward to living in a home and being done with condo living, starting residency and making a real pay check. Now that we are a month or so away I am so scared! l don't know what school to put Tate in and if he will be accepted to any of them any way? Is buying a home the right choice or should we still be renting? If buying is the right choice will we find and get into the right house and neighborhood? Will we make friends? Is Tate going to like school? Will he make friends? I don't want him to be bullied or fall behind intellectually. I have been with out Tex for extended periods of time but we are starting a hard rode all over again and I am sad and lonely just thinking about all the nights and holidays me and my kids will spend alone. I don't want to do it! I know I need to, and I want to be strong for my kids and husband also  just so I can look back and say "YOU DID IT" and you did a great job! Still though I wish I could have my sisters or mom come be with me when I needed them. After all my complaining I sit back and feel so guilty because I know that there are so many people going through way harder life challenges then I am so I don't have any right to be sad or lonely and how can you be so excited for something to happen in your life and then when it approaches be so terrified?? I know I have a ton of blessings to  be grateful for and I love my kids and husband but I feel distant from all of it. I am strong where my husband is weak and I am weak where he is strong and some times that makes for a not so happy couple. He is really my only friend that I can be totally real with and right now I am missing even that. For any one who ever reads this even my kids in the future do not think that I am not grateful for what I have or mistake my need to express my self in a more somber attitude today for a lack of love for you or for my sweet husband, I cant imagine my life any other way, as life goes though we go through hard times and I am trying my best right now to just put one foot in front of the other.  P.s Sorry my punctuation is so terrible.

The Enchanted Forest

 This morning we promised the boys we would take them to the Enchanted Forest right after breakfast. I was slow getting going and thought about staying home with Paisley while Tex went with the boys but decided that are time together is limited and went with them. I am so glad I decided to go! We always have a great time, I am embarrassed to say that growing up I was not up for much exploring in the woods, all except for when I was at Grandma & Grandpa Southams house, playing in the tree house and maybe helping out down at the crick. My husband on the other hand that is all he did, so he is trying to teach me its fun to tromp around in the woods where the spiders and snakes live. Yikes!! We walked on the most beautiful trails, the boys rode their scooters all while feeling the sun beat down on my neck and the cool breeze that doesn't happen very often in Florida. Its in these times that threw all my insecurities and many things to work on I feel my saviors love for me.

 We aslo happened upon this little guy walking across one of the little pathways. I don't think I have ever been this close to a live turtle before, maybe I have and I just don't remember it but I felt like a little kid. Of course my boys thought it was the best thing ever, in fact the rest of the day randomly little Peyton would say that was fun seeing the turtle today huh mom? I love these precious memories we make as a family.

Yay I turned 30

 So I turned 30th this March and Tex did the funnest decorating and party a girl could ask for. Sunday was the 9th so after church when we came home he made me go in our room with Paisley and did not let us come out for like 3 hours. He put all these beautiful balloons,streamers,flowers, yummy diner, and way fun presents. I wanted this watch from Swatch so bad and he totally got it for me. The boys picked out gifts for me as well, Peyton got me girl soap and Tate got me a candle. Very thoughtful gifts. We had a few friends over later for some delicious ice cream cupcakes from Cold Stone Ice cream, It was a wonderful day. It is crazy to be 3o years old but I am hoping for good things the next 10 years and am determined to make them count!

We celebrated our 8 year Anniversary the very next day and it was so fabulous! We rented a tandem bike and rode down the Holly Wood board walk all the way to the pier at Dania beach and back. We had lunch at a place right on the board walk called the Taco spot it was very yummy. We ended the day with Ben and Jerry's ice cream and headed back to pick up the kiddos. I will be honest and say that the last 8 years of my life and I am sure if Tex was here he would agree, it has had it's really rough times and we have both wondered if we could do it? I am here to say we can and it's so worth it! Life is not meant to be easy or fun all the time but I think we would both agree that we have had some really amazing ups and I am so grateful for my husband. He teaches me things I know I could not have learned from any ones else,  He is so fun, very intelligent and so driven he is also the BEST dad and that is definitely one thing every woman wants for her precious children. We have lots a head of us but we are going to do it together and life is way more fun to do together than alone.

 I love this quote by are beloved prophet-

 “Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he’s been robbed. The fact is that most putts don’t drop, most beef is tough, most children grow up to just be people, most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration, most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. Life is like an old time rail journey…delays…sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling burst of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride.”
― Gordon B. Hinckley

 Paisley's first time in the bumbo! I love this little girl so much, I am totally smitten with her.

 Yesterday was our Match day where we found out where we would be spending the next 3 years for residency. This picture was taken 10 min before we found out. Are Residency is going to be here in South Miami. The Hospital Tex will be working at is Jackson South Hospital. It's going to be a hard first year and we have had Tex around a lot lately so the first year is going to be an adjustment for us but we have done it before so we can do it again!

 Later that night we decided to take the kids on a night walk on the beach and see if we could find any nesting sea turtles, we didn't find what we set out for but instead we found a cool sand crab and our not afraid of anything dad picked him up and let the boys hold him. It made for a really fun night and left the beach feeling a little more confident that we can make living in Florida for 3 more years work. :)

Throw back to February 25th 2014

 This day is so far one of my favorite days sense we have been in Florida. Why you ask? First because I thoroughly enjoyed being with my little family Second the sun was shining so bright and I love the sun! But mostly it was because Paisley was so unbelievably cute, We had dug out a little  oval in the sand for her and laid her in it and we looked over at her laying in the tent and she was just grinning from ear to ear. Even laughing a little it was one of those moments when you just LOVE being a mom. The boys had so much fun as well and that is always a good thing when they get tons of energy out of there little bodies, Tate even laid right down in the sand and took a 5 minute snooze.

 I love Peyton's little foot prints in the sand it was a good reminder that I need to enjoy them while they are little cause they grow so unbelievably fast!

 This top picture of her is burned into my mind forever I love her to death and she looks just like my cabbage patch doll that I loved as a little girl. I feel so blessed to have these three kiddos its not even funny.

 Even this guy. He is so handsome and I am so proud of him, he graduates in 2 months from a lots and lots of years of dedication to school and I could not be happier for him. I wish every day could be like this day. :)

Bahia Honda in the Keys

 This past weekend ( February 28th - March 1st) we went to Bahia Honda in the Keys, Tex rented a cabin about 9 months ago and if I am being honest I was not very happy that he did. I thought it would be better to have saved the money. I am really glad he did now though, it was so fun! We invited another family to come with us and share the cabin (The Simmons) It was a nice two bedroom cabin with a little kitchen. The night before Tex and I marinated some chicken and grilled it when we got to the cabin they had a grill and deck with a table right on the water. The next morning we had a really yummy breakfast and then spent the rest of the day on the beach. It was so beautiful, the Simmons rented a long board and the kids had a blast playing in the water with it. Tex and Adam snorkeled and of course while Paisley took a nap I laid in the sun. We left for home around 430 and got home about 645. When our family's come for graduation we want to take them to the keys for a day, Its just so beautiful not to share. Bahia Honda in the Keys check.